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Mother and friend – Balancing the roles

As a mother you move through so many different roles in one day that at times it feels like being an actor attending a range of

As a mother you move through so many different roles in one day that at times it feels like being an actor attending a range of casting calls; disciplinarian, coach, cook, taxi driver, good guy, bad guy, and friend. But how do you strike that balance between mother and friend, letting your child know that you are there for them and want to spend time doing the fun stuff, but that you will also be there letting them know when they are out of line?

When children are younger it is easier to have fun with them and also discipline them without any hard feelings on either side, but as they hit adolescence they begin to test the boundaries and invariably conflict arises. There’s a stage where parenting becomes a functional role, not just an emotional role.

Teenage daughter looking messages in a smartphone and ignoring her furious mother. Bad family communication concept by new technologies

Your child is not your confidante
This is an innocent trap that mothers fall into, but when you make your child your confidante, you are saying that you are co-decision makers. The fact is, you and your child are not co-decision makers in any realistic way. Kids can offer you their opinion. They can tell you what they like and dislike. But certainly decisions, especially important ones but even certain minor ones, have to be made by you, the parent. Kids have to understand that the family moves as a unit and the adults make the decisions.

Pushing boundaries
There comes a time for every parent when they realise that their once compliant, smiling child has turned into a scowling teen. It’s a completely normal stage in a teen’s development to want to test their boundaries, become independent and take risks. As a parent, this can be difficult, we don’t want to let go, we know the dangers that face them and the mistakes that they will invariably make. Teens become secretive which can lead to conflict in the house.

Mother embracing and soothes depressed teen daughter by problems

Being the cool mum
It is tempting for many mums to want to be the cool mum, the hip one that your teenager and her friends can relate to. We have all seen the Hollywood movies. We know the cool mums and the not-so-cool mums, the cool mums know what is going on in their child’s lives the others don’t. Life’s not a Hollywood movie though and even though you desperately want to keep your teen close, being the cool mum is not the way.

Closeup on sad teen daughter crying by problems in the shoulder of her mother. Mother embracing and consoling daughter.

The fine balance
The fine balance you want to achieve is a relationship where your teenager is comfortable sharing their problems with you in times of need, but where you are also always the one in charge. The family rules and values should be maintained. That being said, the teen years are time of growth and discovery, a time to make mistakes and learn from them. Give your teenager the chance to make some mistakes and be there for them with a shoulder to cry on and advice for next time.

Teenager problems – Mother comforts her troubled teenage daughter

Special time
No matter how busy your lives are, make it a priority to spend some quality time with your teenager each week doing something you both enjoy. This could be as simple as going out to a cafe, or going to the movies. Although they are finding their independence, they are still young and they need to know that you care and that you value spending time with them. All too soon they will be adults and leading lives of their own. Habits like this can carry over into adulthood.

Happy smiling woman with car key in car. Driving

Gilmore Girls legacy
So you’ve watched Gilmore Girls and you and your teenager have a very Gilmore relationship? That’s great and lucky them, better a Lorelei than a Chris Kardashian, but you still need to give your teenager the space they need to make their mistakes, however big or small.

Finding that balance means:
​ ​providing them with that functional care
​ ​letting them make mistakes and being there for them afterwards
​ ​Setting up special time for each other every week
​ ​Maintaining the rules
​ ​Not using them as a confidante.

Relationships

How to Feel SEXY

Body confidence and body positivity are vital to living a happy life. How you feel about

Body confidence and body positivity are vital to living a happy life. How you feel about yourself affects your mood and the mood of others around you, but also drastically affects your love life so follow these three steps to feel sexy and confident in your own skin.

Step 1: Allow Yourself to Feel Sexy
We have so many hang ups about skin, arms, stretch marks, cellulite etc. Stop letting certain parts of you not let you feel sexy. Whether you’re moving forward or stagnant, you have to allow yourself to be sexy. You have to accept and believe you are sexy with what you are now. You may not be exactly where you want to be, don’t let that hinder you. You are still woman and still sexy. It is okay to be insecure but still allow yourself to be sexy.

Step 2: Look at Yourself in the Mirror and Be Positive
Don’t tear yourself down when you look in the mirror. Don’t pick out each imperfection you think you have. Nobody’s body is perfect. Everyone can be self-conscious but you need to look at your body in it’s wholly imperfect form and not to berate yourself about it. Don’t think about how to change your body when you see yourself naked. Give yourself a pep-talk. Find what someone would love about your body. Look and take in your body and how it is changing. Look in the mirror and tell yourself nice things. If you can’t look at your own body, then you will never be able to accept someone else looking at your own body. You have to be comfortable with you before you can be comfortable with you and someone else.

Step 3: Dress Sexy
Wear what makes you feel sexy. Do you feel sexy with fitted clothes? Showing your legs? Showing a bit of cleavage? Showing your back? Having your great under garments then you feel goooood even if no one can see it, you’ll feel it. A matching bra and panty set can change your whole day.

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Relationships

Still Looking For Mr. Right?

When you are 30 and still single, more than half the people in your surrounding will be asking you why

When you are 30 and still single, more than half the people in your surrounding will be asking you why you are still alone. It is as though you have crossed that line and not supposed to be unattached or at least be dating someone. Your world is blissful until someone has to have that audacity to pop that question especially when you are with your mum.

It’s none of their business and there must be at least a million topics to choose from for small talks, but it has always to be “Why aren’t you dating someone?” Why do people always have to try to dump you into someone’s lap and frustrate you with a topic that is already disturbing; and I’m pretty sure it affects more than just some women.

Portrait of businesswoman, smiling

Every woman has a story that only she knows best. Indeed, dating can be a real pain and as women, we understand all too well. The anxieties, confusions and frustrations that come with it can be exhausting for some. Then again, some do get lucky. So why do you think some got lucky and some don’t? The most common reason would have to be, “I’m not meeting quality men”.

Not having quality men to date?? Do you really think that’s true? The idea that there aren’t any quality men is a myth. And … don’t go falling for men who are already taken. A married man who will still flirt and cheat with you is definitely no quality.

There are millions of single men out there and many are making a name for themselves if not already being very successful in their ownrights and …. you only need One.

Beer lovers. Young cheerful couple drinking beer at the bar

Then you would say, “But most of the good ones are already taken”. Well, that may be true, but you see … “Most is not ALL”and don’t you know that while you are feeling lonely and wishing for Mr. Right to come by, ‘Mr. Right’ may just as well also be looking for you right now.

Here are two simple yet solid suggestions that will immediately improve your experience with men.

Woman On Laptop With Legs On Window

To begin with, KNOW what you want and must have ….and make sure that it’s the woman in you doing the picking and not the 18-year-old who still expects all kinds of ‘Quality’ that don’t matter and wouldn’t make you happy anyway.

Forgo the idea of perfection and be ready to attract a REAL man to your life.He doesn’t need to be flawless to give you a life.

If you have to, write down a list of qualities, values, and mannerism that attract you or that you would expect in a man with whom you’ll spend time and then review your list and sincerely ask yourself, “Does this man exist? Are these qualities that I’m looking for, directly related to a man’s ability to make me happy? Are these truly requirements? Are they so important that I should be dismissing everyone who does not possess those qualities?”

If you are serious about finding a life partner or at least a man to have some fun with, letting go of the idea that there are no good single men is a first critical step.

Next, turning your ‘Must Have’ into ‘Good to Have’ would almost certainly fill your world with many fine single men. Happy dating.

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Relationships

STOP KIDDING YOURSELF

Do you really believe that he loves you or that you love him?

Do you really believe that he loves you or that you love him?

More often than not, affairs with a married man didn’t happen because a woman had planned for it, but women do fall for married men on a fairly regular basis. It is by no means a piece of cake either way, and like it or not, someone always end up getting hurt really badly. Many women got battled and some even murdered by jealous wives or worse than death, got defaced and ruined for the rest of their lives. Yet women find it hard to break lose and remain playing the high stakes.

Physical attraction, life circumstances, discontentment …. all these are ingredients in the recipe for an affair. Many thought it was love and perhaps love it really is, but more so it’s the woman’s love of what the stealthy affair offers and not really love for a person who cheats on another woman and possibly several others as well. Women who begin an affair with a married man, all-of-a-sudden find themselves emerged in a world of drama and intrigue, which can be addictive to an otherwise-bored woman.

The Question is, does being with a married man, betrays a woman’s insecurity or does it show outright the woman’s ruthless and selfish nature?

The excitement that comes with an affair is based around self-gratification and have very little to do with actually caring for another person. Unfortunately, the rush of feeling experienced is easily mistaken for ‘love.’ Women feel more sexually gratified by a married man because to him, sexual intercourse with a kept woman is usually charged by lust, but over time, his desire would diminish just as it is with his wife.

A married man can never give his whole self to you and half the time, you yearn for him. Sex may or may not be on the agenda, but you build up the desire in your heart. When you eventually meet, you give the best side of you and he reciprocates (compliments, ego-boosting flirtation). You never have to pick after each other’s dirt so your eyes are covered. True intimacy is being able to have and see all of another person (and giving your whole self to them). Real love requires real intimacy.

Being the kept woman requires you to take a step back and take a cold, hard, analytical look at the realities of your situation. There are serious limitations and you will always be hurt by jealousy of his wife. You have also to be prepared for him to turn cold, act different and even dump you when he finds another woman to play with.

What you can expect when engaged in this type of relationships, are a lot of spontaneous changes in your ability to see each other. Expect last minute rendezvous when he feels like having you, but also expect that even your best laid plans are subject to last minute cancellations.

Most of all, expect to be spending all major holidays alone. He will be in the company of his family, which does include his wife and children and not be with you. Unless you are well socialized, you can expect to be very lonely during these times and very sadly, you are unable to share details of your relationship with friends and family as you would in a normal relationship. You will truly be living in the shadow of his life, always feeling hurt and empty. If a man can cheat on his wife to play with you, he can dump you at any time to play with someone else. Think carefully; stop kidding yourself.

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