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Dealing With Sibling Rivalry

Trouble holding onto your sanity with the constant turmoil with your children at home? Fret not, help is

Trouble holding onto your sanity with the constant turmoil with your children at home? Fret not, help is at bay! Well, if you’ve got kids then you’d be acquainted with rivalry, squabbles, bitter competitions, throw-downs and more to cope with! Sibling rivalry has been a major thorn in the sides of parents since eternity; it is rather a rite of passage and a part of growing up. As parents, we dream of a cloyingly sweet family where siblings worship each other. But folks, let’s get real! Kids will be kids, naturally your darling kids will argue, quarrel, feel jealous, have conflicting thoughts, teasing, tormenting each other but you can help them become more like friends than rivals. As parents most of us know how to handle ourselves without losing self-control, but children may not be aware of their ill tendencies.

We often hear fellow parents complaining of their kids not getting along, engaging in unpleasant behavior, stomping their feet, calling names or pulling another’s hair leading to a war zone at home. This is when the mother and father have to sit up and take notice of the contradictory behavior. Folks, if you have too much to do on your plate and rushing through the daily chores then you need to first take serious note of your child management skills and pay attention to their harmful behaviour.

Here’s how to keep the kids calm

Firstly, remember parenting takes quality time and real effort. To diffuse rivalry, set a good example, as your children are constantly observing how you handle differences and disputes within the house and outside. Do it with harmony and humour!
Secondly, your child’s age is a factor that should be considered and besides, the nature of the dispute has also to be understood. Yes, kill the ill feelings before it gives rise to self-esteem issues and nasty relationship between the kids. One way you could encourage your child to be a proud sibling is by asking him/her to help in changing diapers or feeding. This would invariably strengthen the bond.

As parents you should be their coach, friend- philosopher-guide and help them get vocal to communicate clearly their issues.

Put down ground rules, limits and principles for the children and teach them how to treat one another respectfully. Make it clear that there is no room for abuses or harsh behavior in the house, importance of consideration and focus on kindness sans closeness amongst siblings.

While treating kids equally is impossible steer clear of labeling or comparing your children which would only lead to a further crack in their fragile relationship. Don’t show favoritism or tag them as good-bag-smart-spoilt, etc! Your child might interpret comparison for criticism. Simply try to treat them fairly and acknowledge the feelings maturely. Get their vote of confidence, give a valid reason for making your decisions and allow them to think individually, establish their identity and realize or reason their parents’ intention.

Shield your children from no-win circumstances bearing in mind that it is unacceptable for them especially when they are competing with their older siblings.

As adults, you should help your kids comprehend that their actions bring consequences, and help them develop a bond.

Lina Ashar, a global pioneer for children education, the founder of Kangaroo Kids and Billabong High International School, gives us detailed inputs on the alarming behavior pattern which is a serious issue. Here’s what Ashar shared, ‘The crux of sibling rivalry is vying for parent’s attention. When parents praise one child or take sides or appreciate one child the other child feels neglected, unloved and useless. Siblings spend the maximum time with each other, they share things together, they are bound to have differences and each one wants to be better than the other. This is the exact stage that resentment sets in and this is where the seed for sibling rivalry is sown. Sometimes rivalry is just healthy competition and sometimes it manifests into higher levels and siblings resent each other for the rest of their lifetime. An interesting case study is Tennis champs Venus and Serena Williams who are sisters. On court, they vie for the same crown and the competition is very fierce. Both have been reigning queens of the court, ranked World No.1 at various points in their career. However, off court, the sisters are known to share a close relationship.

You need to be a neutral observer that is what will help build a healthy relationship amongst siblings. Parents need to be mindful when they deal with multiple children
A parent has to bridge the rivalry gap by constantly talking about the importance of family and sibling support. Historical instances of rivalry actually making both siblings more vulnerable and weaker should be told.’

BOX 1
Parents you need to be careful when dealing with your children:

•​ ​Treat your children as separate entities, they are different individuals.
•​ ​Let your children handle their differences on their own, step in only when the situation gets out of control.
•​ ​Let them express their feelings.
•​ ​Behave like a moderator and not a judge.

Box 2
What To Avoid-

•​ ​Never compare your children, they are different individuals and they are bound to have different strengths.
•​ ​Don’t pick a side
•​ ​Don’t force apologies or ask for forgiveness
•​ ​Don’t shout and scream or hit your children

Relationships

How to Feel SEXY

Body confidence and body positivity are vital to living a happy life. How you feel about

Body confidence and body positivity are vital to living a happy life. How you feel about yourself affects your mood and the mood of others around you, but also drastically affects your love life so follow these three steps to feel sexy and confident in your own skin.

Step 1: Allow Yourself to Feel Sexy
We have so many hang ups about skin, arms, stretch marks, cellulite etc. Stop letting certain parts of you not let you feel sexy. Whether you’re moving forward or stagnant, you have to allow yourself to be sexy. You have to accept and believe you are sexy with what you are now. You may not be exactly where you want to be, don’t let that hinder you. You are still woman and still sexy. It is okay to be insecure but still allow yourself to be sexy.

Step 2: Look at Yourself in the Mirror and Be Positive
Don’t tear yourself down when you look in the mirror. Don’t pick out each imperfection you think you have. Nobody’s body is perfect. Everyone can be self-conscious but you need to look at your body in it’s wholly imperfect form and not to berate yourself about it. Don’t think about how to change your body when you see yourself naked. Give yourself a pep-talk. Find what someone would love about your body. Look and take in your body and how it is changing. Look in the mirror and tell yourself nice things. If you can’t look at your own body, then you will never be able to accept someone else looking at your own body. You have to be comfortable with you before you can be comfortable with you and someone else.

Step 3: Dress Sexy
Wear what makes you feel sexy. Do you feel sexy with fitted clothes? Showing your legs? Showing a bit of cleavage? Showing your back? Having your great under garments then you feel goooood even if no one can see it, you’ll feel it. A matching bra and panty set can change your whole day.

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Relationships

Still Looking For Mr. Right?

When you are 30 and still single, more than half the people in your surrounding will be asking you why

When you are 30 and still single, more than half the people in your surrounding will be asking you why you are still alone. It is as though you have crossed that line and not supposed to be unattached or at least be dating someone. Your world is blissful until someone has to have that audacity to pop that question especially when you are with your mum.

It’s none of their business and there must be at least a million topics to choose from for small talks, but it has always to be “Why aren’t you dating someone?” Why do people always have to try to dump you into someone’s lap and frustrate you with a topic that is already disturbing; and I’m pretty sure it affects more than just some women.

Portrait of businesswoman, smiling

Every woman has a story that only she knows best. Indeed, dating can be a real pain and as women, we understand all too well. The anxieties, confusions and frustrations that come with it can be exhausting for some. Then again, some do get lucky. So why do you think some got lucky and some don’t? The most common reason would have to be, “I’m not meeting quality men”.

Not having quality men to date?? Do you really think that’s true? The idea that there aren’t any quality men is a myth. And … don’t go falling for men who are already taken. A married man who will still flirt and cheat with you is definitely no quality.

There are millions of single men out there and many are making a name for themselves if not already being very successful in their ownrights and …. you only need One.

Beer lovers. Young cheerful couple drinking beer at the bar

Then you would say, “But most of the good ones are already taken”. Well, that may be true, but you see … “Most is not ALL”and don’t you know that while you are feeling lonely and wishing for Mr. Right to come by, ‘Mr. Right’ may just as well also be looking for you right now.

Here are two simple yet solid suggestions that will immediately improve your experience with men.

Woman On Laptop With Legs On Window

To begin with, KNOW what you want and must have ….and make sure that it’s the woman in you doing the picking and not the 18-year-old who still expects all kinds of ‘Quality’ that don’t matter and wouldn’t make you happy anyway.

Forgo the idea of perfection and be ready to attract a REAL man to your life.He doesn’t need to be flawless to give you a life.

If you have to, write down a list of qualities, values, and mannerism that attract you or that you would expect in a man with whom you’ll spend time and then review your list and sincerely ask yourself, “Does this man exist? Are these qualities that I’m looking for, directly related to a man’s ability to make me happy? Are these truly requirements? Are they so important that I should be dismissing everyone who does not possess those qualities?”

If you are serious about finding a life partner or at least a man to have some fun with, letting go of the idea that there are no good single men is a first critical step.

Next, turning your ‘Must Have’ into ‘Good to Have’ would almost certainly fill your world with many fine single men. Happy dating.

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Relationships

STOP KIDDING YOURSELF

Do you really believe that he loves you or that you love him?

Do you really believe that he loves you or that you love him?

More often than not, affairs with a married man didn’t happen because a woman had planned for it, but women do fall for married men on a fairly regular basis. It is by no means a piece of cake either way, and like it or not, someone always end up getting hurt really badly. Many women got battled and some even murdered by jealous wives or worse than death, got defaced and ruined for the rest of their lives. Yet women find it hard to break lose and remain playing the high stakes.

Physical attraction, life circumstances, discontentment …. all these are ingredients in the recipe for an affair. Many thought it was love and perhaps love it really is, but more so it’s the woman’s love of what the stealthy affair offers and not really love for a person who cheats on another woman and possibly several others as well. Women who begin an affair with a married man, all-of-a-sudden find themselves emerged in a world of drama and intrigue, which can be addictive to an otherwise-bored woman.

The Question is, does being with a married man, betrays a woman’s insecurity or does it show outright the woman’s ruthless and selfish nature?

The excitement that comes with an affair is based around self-gratification and have very little to do with actually caring for another person. Unfortunately, the rush of feeling experienced is easily mistaken for ‘love.’ Women feel more sexually gratified by a married man because to him, sexual intercourse with a kept woman is usually charged by lust, but over time, his desire would diminish just as it is with his wife.

A married man can never give his whole self to you and half the time, you yearn for him. Sex may or may not be on the agenda, but you build up the desire in your heart. When you eventually meet, you give the best side of you and he reciprocates (compliments, ego-boosting flirtation). You never have to pick after each other’s dirt so your eyes are covered. True intimacy is being able to have and see all of another person (and giving your whole self to them). Real love requires real intimacy.

Being the kept woman requires you to take a step back and take a cold, hard, analytical look at the realities of your situation. There are serious limitations and you will always be hurt by jealousy of his wife. You have also to be prepared for him to turn cold, act different and even dump you when he finds another woman to play with.

What you can expect when engaged in this type of relationships, are a lot of spontaneous changes in your ability to see each other. Expect last minute rendezvous when he feels like having you, but also expect that even your best laid plans are subject to last minute cancellations.

Most of all, expect to be spending all major holidays alone. He will be in the company of his family, which does include his wife and children and not be with you. Unless you are well socialized, you can expect to be very lonely during these times and very sadly, you are unable to share details of your relationship with friends and family as you would in a normal relationship. You will truly be living in the shadow of his life, always feeling hurt and empty. If a man can cheat on his wife to play with you, he can dump you at any time to play with someone else. Think carefully; stop kidding yourself.

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