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A Present from the Present

Fantasizing the vacation, she sits in the corner

Fantasizing the vacation, she sits in the corner. She can almost feel the warmth of the glorious expose, the refresh of the waves at her feet, tumbling down the pebbled beach. And then her fragmented self takes over. Head dropped, shoulders lowered – her monkey mind vaults towards the worries of the future:

  • A vacation planned, a restrained budget, there are too many bills to pay on her return – Damn, the monetary problems!
  • A travel abroad, a home left in forlorn, the ignored office files – Damn, who would look after the responsibilities while I am away?
  • A joy to be short lived, a major fret that outlives, the youngest continue to show poor academic performance yet again at a new school among new mentors – Damn, what about the uncertain future of my child?

The future whiplashes!

Shaken and trembling, she is unable to keep her balance. Her foot slips and she falls into the grievous lap of the agonizing past. Whatever had glued together the remaining of her fragmented-self, now completely melts away. She is the disintegrated, the distressed – the resemblance of the old and bleak of her departed gone.

Losing the home, that once was the dwelling of her peace, her family’s happiness – the residence of their dreams.
There was that time, the early days of her active-young professional life, when she had to put up with the scavenging stares of the society that was downright selfish and mean.
She had to bear the loss of a dear kin, the support that has always been there for her, when stumbles and mistakes characterized her infant steps.

The past gnaws, exposing the worst of her memories!

But what she did not realize, her actions, her thoughts were defining that very moment. Her conscious was overtaken by the subconscious. Although it had the resolute, the strength—her conscious stronger self—but it was her, who was fueling the subconscious.

Amidst the Gloom, Extends the Hand

When the clouds of despair and stress are at their darkest grey, a hand extends beyond, that picks her up and shows her a way.

A Calming Gesture

The hand imitates a calming gesture, signaling her to relax: slowly breathe in and slowly breathe out.
She gets agitated at the clichéd mantra.
But, then why does everyone suggest it? From the Buddha scholars to the qualified doctors – she wonders!
And there she is, following the hand’s gesture. There is no harm in giving it a go.
She takes a slow deep breath. Holds it on for few seconds and gradually breathes out.
She repeats it. Then again, and again and again.

Repeat: Breathe in, hold, breathe out… Breathe in, hold…….. Breathe in……… Breathe out.

Right Here, Right Now

Soon something triggers in her mind. Why is she here? Where is she now? What is she doing at the moment?
The stress reflex suddenly starts kicking in, her mind is about to start exploring the unknown.
The hand, gestures a stop sign – a big sized palm, staring right into her eyes.

It waves at her, telling to let her mind go free and just flow with the here, with the now.

If you want to dance, just dance. Don’t think about the dance itself. Don’t think about people are watching you. If they mock, let them mock – no one was born hip hopping at the beating thump of Jay Z. Neither, you are here to dance for the rest of your life.
It’s all about the now – the hand signals the conclusion.  And, remember the calming gesture? Well, it will help you to remain attached with the now.

Go Out!

But she refuses.
Come out in the sun.
Once again she refuses.
So, the hand forcefully gets her out.
The mighty sun is smiling, and the gleams resonate. She looks around her and she immediately starts feeling better.
Psychological, physiological or mere spiritual – it does not matter. Remember, atleast for the moment, let yourself flow with it. Don’t think. Don’t follow the reason. Be the experience.

Sunshine, just go out and feel everything around you.

Finally There, Finally Here!

And, then the hand opens the door and she sees:

The smiling present…

There is a hand over her shoulder – that’s her loving husband.
There is that kid, laughing and jumping around – excited at the thought of leaving for the vacations.
She realizes that she is not alone. Whatever happens, her family is there to share the load.
She looks at the giggles, the laughs, the merry hops – her child is happy and young, with plenty of life to live ahead.
She realizes that if she lives with the fear of the future, the dark of the past, things that she just witnessed and felt won’t be there to savor. She realizes that she has to inhabit the present if she wants to write the new past and live the unfolding future.
She smiles and looks back at the hand – it is smiling back. She dances, the hand mirrors it. She jumps, the hand follows:

It was the conscious present of her stronger self that had finally managed to pull her through. This was a present from her present and she was looking forward to living it.

Copyright © 2020 Ladies Magazine Cambodia.